My life @ Focus will end two days from now… I ask my self was the 3yrs worth it? well… after all the crazy things that happen to me here in Cebu and having work as the center of my life, I can say that working in my first company, has thought me all the important lessons in life on the aspects of loving one self, family, love ones, friends, making crazy life decisions, stupid ambitions, false hopes, weird dreams painful decisions, risks, moving on, being happy, ciggarette, alcohol dota, lonely, boresome, porn, pancit canton, escapades, heartaches, longing, money, hsbc, thousand lines of codes,being despress, misses someone special, mixed emotions, wishful thinking, and everything in between. Well that was the life for me for the past three years here in Cebu. I lot has happen. My life has changed dramatically, everything has changed but loves still remains, I found hon ope on a person hoping all will wwork out. In 2 days my life as a Focus employee will end, but will be the beginning of a new story of my life, a new chapter will soon open, and I’m ready for it. will be fun coz I will have more time for myself and others I hope hehhee, will be very busy at most but is manageable coz I will be at home most of the times hehhe… so for all XFocus pips I will be joining you soon, hoping for a reunion hehehehe.. chow!

My new year started with city wide bang….

yet I retain yet a mere longing heart…

every time I visit this void space…

All of the sad and painfull memories rushed voilently still…

I miss pain…

I miss the feeling of being drowned to it…

I long for rest… my soul still needs a peacefull massage…

Because from all the hardship it has gone through..

Still it seeks refuge away it… pain.

sad that my heart is still like a frightened cat,

hiding in the dark corner stones of my entire being…

hiding from the tought of feeling pain once again…

optimistic as I am… I might survive this year…

bottom line… I hope for true happiness this year…

hope you will to0…. :)

Feelings are accompanied with thoughts of meaning….

A heart is filled with strong cruel emotions floating….

A heart that is broken can be mend…

But once in disarray, a heart can die again…

Please do take care of my heart, I am nothing without it…

Please do mend the broken vows of trust and faith,

When a wish comes true like an early spring is met…

Keep it safe and love it dearly still…

And don’t let my heart question,  when will…?

The moon is shining bright
The mood is feeling right
I’ll kiss you on your neck
People will stare but we won’t care

We’re high above the ground
We’re nowhere to be found
Empowered by adrenaline
Feel I’ve been born again

Again, I am repeating myself
And I know it is kind for you
To sit and pretend

[Chorus:]
Damn regret, I’ll try to forget
Don’t worry about me ’cause I’m refined
Cast my line to see what’s behind
Did you think you’d persuade me to let you go?

I’m wishing you were here
My weakness is my fear
Alone I am myself
No reason left for me to care

Distracted by the sound
I hear footsteps all around
Empowered by adrenaline
Feel I’ve been born again

Again, I am repeating myself
And I know it is kind for you
To sit and pretend

[Chorus]

You’re the only one I turn to
When I feel like no one’s there
And when I’m lonely in my darkest hour
You give me the power
To sit and pretend

[Chorus]

Did you think I’d forget?
Did you think I’d surrender myself to persuade you to let me go?
Did you think I’d forget?
Did you think I’d surrender myself to persuade you to let me go?

–> these last lines… are more than enough to explain everything….

you know in your heart I wont let go…. :(

“The Art Of Letting Go”

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I’ve held them till I’m blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I’d keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that’s holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I’m just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it’s over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can’t set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we’ll be friend’s forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that’s holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I’m just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I’m learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

I got your runaway smile … in my piggy bank baby ( heart )…

but you couldn’t stay a while….

yeah I’m the first to fall and the last to know….

nor I did not shed any tears, on that very day….

but my heart was crying and dying inside….

but she said… there’s a reason for everything…

those words were all I needed to accept reality and eventually move on…

I will miss her…

this is for her…

goodbyes…. its a painful thought….
to obtain immunity from it is impossible….
when all you think was perfect ain’t just f***ng true all the times….
maybe i just need that spark they called love….
its quite painful to know that dreams are just dreams…
dreams equals reality is plain bulls***t….

and what do really matters now?
when everything I said and done is all just a hoax….
to make it better than it was? is just so deceiving…
can i blame myself with all the things that are happening to me right now?
or a plain straight up answer would just come in with a simple hello…. or with a gorgeous a smile…

I can’t miss anything right now…
I must stick to plain facts…..
I can’t afford to miss anybody that much anymore…
in the end it will end with a tragedy….
missing a single bit of info gives me false hopes…
I would rather prepare to hear someone else calling me my true name….
did it all yet got nothing at all…

I’m looking at you through the glass….

don’t know how much time has passed,

Oh God it feels like forever….

and no one ever tells you that forever feels like home

sitting all alone inside your head…

how do you feel? that is the question…

but i forget you don’t expect an easy answer…

when something like a soul becomes initialized,

fold it up like paper dolls and little notes ,

you can’t expect a bit of hope,

so while you’re outside looking in describing what you see,

remember what you’re staring at is me…

how much is real?

so much the question

an epidemic of the manikins contaminating everything…

with that came the heart, it never did right from the start

just listen to the noises… null and void instead of voices

before you tell yourself its just a different scene

remember its just different from what you’ve seen…

and its the stars, that shine for you…

and its the stars, that lie to you…

#######

how long should I be looking at you through the glass?

maybe this would be forever like this….

and only the stars knows….

it alone knows how lonely we are…..

– through glass by Stone Sour

Alcohol, a number one ingredient of sheer courage, a boldness for a man whose tolerance for making difficult decisions is so low,  can never comprehend having said things needed not to be said…

What if? This is a metaphorical question, a question with a high probability could be answered by yet another question..

Hugs, kisses and smiles, damn… mixing up these components can lead a man to a state of delusion… and yet knowing nothing at all…

So long…. so long…. well lastly these songs, these songs which collects demonic yet melodic idiotic self righteous content just makes me write another of these so called meaningless yet seaming less accusations…..

here’s an artwork of mine, but I really don’t know what kind of genre this piece belongs to, well anyways this is a result of my boredom, this type of activity kinda helped me in a way to turn my thoughts sideways from the things that is bothering me right now… still I haven’t changed have I? well I think this is a start, I have been drawing some images, If I have the time I’ll post it right here….

this one is called, Virgin Masterpiece… and this is a portrait of me and my friends here in cebu… wawa, me, yamz and jongpals respectively :) enjoy….